Off the Pillow

Ok, here goes.
Last Sunday morning I was getting ready to leave for a Santa Fe trip, and I had a small accident while getting things on the house all set up. The forecast said rain, and I wanted to make sure my water catchment system was fully functional before I left. I slipped coming down off my ladder and bumped my mouth. It really didn’t feel like any big deal whatsoever, but the tooth I bumped started to bleed and didn’t want to stop.

I really wasn’t sure if this was going to interfere with work or not. Knowing that one should never work with an open wound…but it seemed so minor…it was almost laughable!!

But being the cautious, health conscious girl I am, I decided to stop by the emergency room on my way out of town because the silly thing continued to bleed and swell!!!

While the ER Docs were assesing the situation, they took a blood sample. That’s when stuff started to get really weird!!! LOL. My Doc came back with the results wearing an unpleasant grimace. My heart goes out to Doctors having to deliver bad news, and I tried to be my normal chipper smiley self. He said that my Platelet level was extremely low and my blood had lost it’s ability to clot. A normal platelet count is between 150,000 - 400,000. My count was at 11,000. He stated sternly that I needed to be admitted into the hospital immediately and that I was in danger of bleeding to death. Me, being me, I nodded and smiled. I think I said something to the effect of “of course I do.” He took this to mean that I wasn’t taking him seriously and he continued to drive home the point that this was extremely serious and I could die!! Which made me laugh….because what else can one do when they realize their plans for the day have been completely derailed???

Ok, so that part sounds terribly scarey. And more craziness ensued. But I’ll skip ahead to the good news!!! This blood condition is NOT work related!!! YEA! It is NOT contagious!!! YEA! and it is NOT Luekemia!!! YEA! It IS treatable!!! YEA!

In fact, as of today, my platelet levels are back up into the normal range. However, I had to undergo an intense treatment of steriods to get that level back up…and I haven’t found this treatment to be at all pleasant!!!

The experience as a whole had merit. As an observer in a world where control cannot be maintained by a single individual, I feel blessed by the carnival ride type of life experiences that I collect as I go. I always try to welcome the new ones, however difficult they appear at first glance.

The first night in the hospital was the hardest. I wasn’t aloud to get out of bed alone, or cross the room without an escort. I had a guard while I peed!!! Now, if I had felt sick or somehow diabilitated…this may have seemed normal. But I felt fine and strong, so it seemed a little like the Twilight Zone. I had to sleep with bed railings up!!
And they kept reiterating, that if I should fall…I could die. A bizaar sensation that causes in a persons brain, let me tell you!!

But I remained calm and mostly amused. I have always understood life to be a precious delicate thing, not to be taken for granted. And I truly believe that I have lived most of my days accordingly. But I spent that first night in a very deep mediatative state, communing with my heart and body. I used visualization technique to focus my life energy on creating platelets. And whether or not it was my spiritual healing powers or the harsh chemicals flowing through my IV…no one can say…but I got better each day!!!!

They released me a few days later when my count was up to 62,000. I’m still undergoing the treatment, and seeing a Hemotologist in Santa Fe. And the prognosis is good. I should have no problem monitoring my self and staying out of danger. And it is not a cause for early retirement!! In fact, I hope to be back to work fairly soon!!! I MISS YOU GUYS!!!

As many of you know, I’ve spent some time in the hospital recently. But before I get into a post about my radical experience…I have to write my heart felt Thank Yous to all of the incredible people who have rallied around me to give support!!!

First to my bestfriend Twilight, without her, my life would have an unspeakable void. No one else can laugh and cry with me the way she can!!! And of course thanks to her awesome husband who raced her to be at my side when I needed her. He has never hesitated to go an extra mile or two or three for a friend!!

Second to my dearfriend, sister in spirit, Megan Fein. Who immediately determined that we have the same blood type and was instantly on stand by in the event that I needed an emergency transfusion. After-all, we have to keep our “working girl” blood pure!!! LOL
She was on stand by with more than blood though, she had prayers and support sent my way from everyone!!!

Next a special thank you to my wonderful special gentlemen who make my life a fuller experience on so many levels. Thanks to the men who sent me flowers. A girl can’t help feeling better being surrounded by beautiful things!! Thanks to the men who sent me cute and funny e-cards…although I got them days late, I really enjoyed each one!! Thanks to the special man who shared his wealth of medical knowledge with me patiently and helped to increase my awareness….You are a true patient Advocate!!!! And a very special thank you to the man who sat on the phone with me, to share a beautiful sunset, during my first night in the hospital. A sexy and soothing voice after visiting hours is just what I needed!!

Hey Everyone!!
My new March photo album is up on my site now, and I wanted to make special mention that there are over 30 pics in this one, so it seems to be loading pretty slowly! Be patient and they will come up!!

I had alot of fun doing this shoot….I think you’ll be able to tell. Enjoy!!!

I haven’t seen you in awhile.
But thoughts of you seep in unexpectedly.
I spent the evening at my spinning wheel. My long skirt tucked up around my legs. Music playing. Candles lit. Fire blazing. Glass of wine on the floor next to my chair. Just me and the roving - rocking back and forth in time to the rythme, my bare foot gently pumping the pedal.

Somewhere in the swirl of my thoughts, my memory caught your scent and I smiled.

Strange are the musings I entertained about your life in contrast to my own. I knew your week didn’t go like you had planned, and I pictured you in meetings, commuting from city to city….perfectly groomed in your button down shirt and neatly pressed dress pants. Clip board? Leather-bound planner? Was I penciled in there somewhere?

But never mind the differences of our lives, the fun thoughts are about the chemistry we share despite those differences. How surreal it feels to come together for an hour…seperate and apart from our real lives…from the first electric touch of your tongue until the last moments when we’re slippery with sweat and out of breath.

When I pulled myself back to the current world, my wine glass was empty and the fire was dying out. The clock said Midnight. My shoulders and back were stiff from working for so long, I stretched…and decided to go for a walk.

I bundled up and headed upwards through the trees, the dogs at my side. The stars were so bright against the deep black sky. The crisp cold air heightened my senses, and the skin on my face tingled. We walked quite a way up to a clearing covered in rocks and sage. That’s when the Coyotes began to call. First came one lone cry… high pitched and drawn out. Both the dogs stood perfectly still, alert with their ears up. I felt like an easedropper about to overhear a sacred and private conversation. And it came…from what felt like all around me, from everywhere…came the answering calls into the air. Sounds as crisp and clear as the night.

How could I not think of you?? So I howled too. I answered along with the pack to the one. My dogs, looking at me…joined in. For what seemed like a miniture lifetime, the three of us howled with the Coyotes. I fell silent first, and the dogs too were quiet after moments. Then slowly the pack dropped out of the song one by one. I stayed until the night was quiet and still again, and we turned and hiked home.

Ok, I admit it. Since I moved to New Mexico after growing up in Minnesota and Wisconsin, I’ve been pretty relaxed about winter. No biggy. Not a problem.

So begins my lesson learning. New Mexico winters in the mountains are nothing to scoff at, even if they are milder in tempermant than in Northern Minnesota.

Last Friday I traveled home from Santa Fe, and even though I hate getting home from a trip after dark, I dilly-dallied around Taos getting supplies and didn’t make it back to my area until after sun-set. I put chains on my tires before I left the highway, and headed home. It was a struggle, it had snowed alot while I was away. I found myself shoveling and rocking out of spots and digging through my suitcases for more clothes. The snow started to fall. It was hardcore, I lost a chain…..and had to figure out how to get it back on in a snow bank. It took over two hours to make it down my 2&1/2 mile road, but I made it home. Patting my Landcruiser’s dashboard affectionately. She’ll get me through anything, right?? LOL

It snowed all day Saturday…..I had to dig out my dwindling wood pile and I realized that the wood delivery I had set up for that afternoon wasn’t coming. I mentally caculated how many days I could stretch my current wood supply. I had already cut down all of the standing dead in my area. How far would I have to hike to find more? Stupid I thought. Stupid not to have stockpiled more earlier. I know I meant to.

Sunday the snow was so thick, I couldn’t see my car from my deck. Everything in the world had turned white. My internet was out, my phone wasn’t getting any signal, and I thought WOW. There wasn’t much light coming into the yurt due to the fact that the snowdrifts were almost completely covering the windows. No solar power without the sun. This is when I started to calculate how long my supplies would last. How many days of lamp oil? How many candles are left? How many days worth of propane? How many hours worth of gas for the generator? How many more hours if I syphoned gas out of my car? The only thing I was sure about is that I wouldn’t starve. I have a years worth of food stored, two years worth if I was conservative.

Monday it continued to snow.

Tuesday the snow had stopped and I ventured out to my car which was half buried. Snow went right over the top of it. My immediate area is surrounded by trees, beautiful but deceiving. I still didn’t have a full appreciation. When I wandered past the car, past my tree line, I stepped/fell into snow almost chest deep!!! For a moment I was stuck, I couldn’t get up…….I couldn’t even turn around. The dogs bounded around me, like they were swimming/drowning…..all I could see tails and noses above the snow. I started to flail!!! I’m not a cussing person, but all I could think was “Oh Fuck, Oh Fuck” Over and Over. “Holy Shit, Oh Fuck” That’s when full comprehension dawned. I realized, my original plan of walking to a neighbors house to ask for a plow…….was utterly, completely, NOT going to happen. It would take them days to plow themselves out before they could even think about coming to get me. WOW. Did any of them even have trucks capable of dealing with this much snow?? I had no idea.

For real this time…….how many days will my supplies last? Ok, no fires during the day. I’ll just layer on more clothes.

Wednesday morning I woke up very early to the sound of a helicopter going overhead. I raced to woodstove to get a fire going so they would see smoke from my chimney and know that I was here. They aren’t out here looking for pot crops I thought…they’re looking for people!!!! Soon afterwards, I heard snowmobiles off in the distance. By 10am, I could hear the faint beeping that big machinery makes when it’s backing up!!! A plow!!! I knew I had to go for it. I couldn’t let that plow leave the area until I touched base with the driver!!! Even if he doesn’t have time for me now, I thought, I need to get on his list. I bundled up and grabbed all my cash. I thought, if batting my eyelashes doesn’t work, cash will!!

I started out, dogs by my side. Tredging through waist high snow is the hardest work I ever remember doing!! I wasn’t far before my entire body was aching and I was wishing fiercly that I was still 19. Every step forward felt like colliding with a wall. I was only, what I thought to be, half way when I stopped. I couldn’t make it. I was too tired to go any further. I couldn’t breathe. It felt like my lungs were on fire and my throat was full of shards of glass. My dogs, up ahead….kept looking back. “Well, are you coming?” they asked. “Yeah, I’m coming.” I said. And I kept going.

When I finally broke free of the snow, I fell onto the freshly plowed main road. I felt like I was going to be sick. I couldn’t catch my breath and my stomache was heaving!! A man came running towards me. I squinted down the road and couldn’t believe my eyes!! There were vehicles and men congregated at an intersection not far down the way. The man who had coming running up was a neighbor. The rest were from the Sheriff’s Dept., Fire Dept., Search and rescue, and the county!!! Even two of our County Comissioners were on the scene!! They had actually been spectulating on whether or not I was at my house or gone on one of my “trips” somewhere. Ha ha ha. No one was sure before they saw me. Unfortunately I hadn’t gotten my fire started in time for them to see it by air, so it was very lucky for me that I sucked it up and plunged my way towards them.

Talk about relief. They were air dropping supplies to people so far back they couldn’t be reached yet. Before the day was over, I had lead them to where my place is and they had me completely plowed out. They even shoveled out behind my car. My County Comissioners were driving trucks full of split wood for people who needed it. No charge.

So….I’ve been rescued. Everything ended happily ever-after!!
And I’ll be back to work in SF next week!!